Category: Life

on losing friends

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There are few things in life as painful as losing a friend, especially a someone who has been in your life for a long time. I’ve been thinking a lot about why this is one of the most painful experiences in life and I’m sure there are several fairly obvious answers to that question. Because we’re human and we crave being close to one another. Because it’s exhausting having to repeatedly tell a new person the background on every little thing that’s happened in your life. Because you imagine the people you care about the most in the world to also care about you just as much. Because being broken hearted is not a comfortable situation.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how important it is to actually know yourself. I think there’s this misconception in our society that your best friend ‘knowing you better than you know yourself’ is somehow a good thing. But it really and truly isn’t. It isn’t because at the end of the day, you are what you have. And people will come and go from your life for the rest of your life. You are your only constant.

That sounds sad, doesn’t it? It sounds like something out of a novel in a story about teenage angst and breaking up with your first love. But it’s not. It’s just about real life and how people come and go and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People come into our lives and we give them what they need from us and get what we need from them. Whether that’s sharing laughs, having a shoulder to cry on, binge watching episodes of Friends and Gilmore Girls, have endless conversations about our families and all the things that annoy us, the foods that we can’t stand and the new fashion trends that confuse us.

There are many many terrible things about losing a friend. It is something I would not wish on my worst enemy, not that I ever anticipate ever having any enemies. It’s almost worst than someone you love dying because they’re alive for everyone else, everyone else but you. And the world somehow doesn’t stop turning. But whatever good and bad that has come from your friendship will always stay with you. It’s part of what makes you, you. And that is a beautiful thing.

Currently listening: Promise by Ben Howard

doctors make the worst patients

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So as I stated in my previous posts, I’ve been really stressed about starting second year. The summer before I started medical school, between the wedding and moving three times, was so hectic that I never really had the time to stress too much about the future. I kind of just showed up to orientation and somehow a year passed without me even noticing. After remediating successfully, I was of course so grateful for the opportunity to move onto second year with my cohort but I’ve been really nervous too. Part of me still feels really unsure about whether I belong here or if I ever learned enough during first year to actually competently be able to take care of patients in the future. I know that self doubt can be really poisonous and I need to get all this negative energy out of me so I’m trying to put my best foot forward and move on.

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little house on the prairie 

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Finally doing an outfit post in what feels like forever! I’ve been battling a nasty cold since Monday and unfortunately had to miss a couple days of classes. Not looking forward to making up everything I’ve missed but apparently learning how to be a physician doesn’t prevent you from getting sick yourself. The past few days I’ve been cooped up in the apartment and really needed to get out. Hubby and I were supposed to watch Ant-man during the week but the cold kind of prevented that so we decided to do it today. There’s been a pretty intense heat wave going through SoCal the past few days so I wanted to keep my outfit as light as possible. I’ve been wanting to style this piece in an outfit post for a while and I’m glad the weather kind of forced me into dressing up a bit heh.

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reading recommendations

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To me, reading a book is a lot like meeting someone new or making a new friend: the timing has to be right. Most of my favorite books are my favorites because I read them at the right time – during a crisis of faith, when I was broken hearted, when I needed inspiration – a time when I needed to read what I read. I think the best friendships start that way too, when you meet someone you really need in your life at that moment – or maybe they needed you. The books below mean a lot to me because they gave me a different world when my own didn’t feel like home. 

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marriage and med school 

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About a year ago, I started my first year of both marriage and medical school. In the midst of graduating college, wedding planning, getting married, moving three times and starting medical school, I definitely had my hands full but I still made the time (of course) to be worried about whether all these simultaneous changes would ultimately be disastrous. Now, in my second year of both medical school and marriage I’m so happy to have started both of these journeys together. It, of course, was not an easy transition but I’m so happy to have had someone to share this journey with. I’ve been asked time and time again about balancing marriage and a career and after thinking about it for a few weeks and asking hubby’s advice, I’ve come up with the following tips:

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book review: Body of Work

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I wish I remember how I stumbled upon this incredible text, but I honestly don’t. Nonetheless, I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that in many ways Dr. Christine Montross’ Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab got me through the first year of medical school.

I’ve been very open about how anatomy lab was and still is one of the most transformative and difficult experiences of my life, both as a subject of study and emotionally. When I first began studying anatomy, I did recognize the great privilege it was to study the human body from this perspective. I was almost unspeakably grateful to those who donated their bodies so that my colleagues and I could become better healers. But when we first started dissections in October of last year, I did not understand how integral this experience was for me as a physician in training. I did not understand why I was learning about how to ‘save lives’ by studying the dead. I felt traumatized. Every time I stepped into anatomy lab, I simultaneously felt grateful, sad and anxious. Everything felt so unnatural. I knew rationally that the cadavers felt no pain during our dissections but that did not prevent me from wincing at the sound of each rib cracking or a saw cutting through bone.

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birthday weekend!

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It was hubby’s birthday this Saturday and we celebrated at dinner with family and friends! It was really great to celebrate with almost all the people he cares about all in one place, which hasn’t happened in a while. We went to this amazing halal Chinese restaurant and definitely ate too much heh.

For my outfit, I wore one of the other jumpsuits I got during the Loft sale a few weeks ago. It’s this really pretty army green color and is so incredibly comfortable. The fabric is relatively thin but still opaque and because it has longer sleeves, I don’t have to worry about layering!

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imagine dragons

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Went to my first concert in over a year last night! It was supposed to be hubby’s first concert ever but he’s had a cold the past couple of days so one of my friends came along with me and my cousins instead. It was nice having a girls night and just catching up on life and such.

I was a terrible blogger last night and didn’t take many photos but sometimes you just gotta be in the moment, you know? For concerts I usually try to dress super comfortably so I don’t have to worry about anything and can actually enjoy the show. I wore an oversized denim shirt over a striped tank top and my gray joggers from my finals outfit post. Shoes are definitely the most important thing to consider, especially if you’ll be standing for most of the night. I always go with closed toed shoes cause there’s always someone who spills their beer or is super wasted and tramples all over your feet. We were in the seated section but I knew I’d probably stand for most of the night so I wore my red chucks. Hubby dropped me off to my cousin so that she wouldn’t have to come all the way to my parents’ to pick me up. Read More »

vintage 

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I’ve been wanting to do this post for so so long and finally got a chance! This is an OOTD with one of my favorite pieces: this mustard yellow midi vintage skirt! One of my good friends runs the cutest online vintage clothing store. She finds all these one of a kind pieces herself and sells them at such affordable prices! I’m all about supporting small businesses and Ladies Who Lunch is definitely one of my favorites. Hafsa does a phenomenal job finding pieces for women of all sizes and styles. You can also check out their Instagram here for more regular updates on all new pieces! I’m currently gushing over all their midi skirts and dresses. 

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faith and medicine, not a contradiction

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I’ve been pretty open about my faith on this blog and while I don’t owe anyone any sort of explanation, I do realize that science and faith aren’t often seen on the same side of the equation. And while I respect peoples’ right to believe whatever they choose to believe, I thought I’d take a shot at explaining why my faith is so important to me and how it got to be that way.

“The wound is the place the Light enters you.” – Rumi

As many stories of ‘finding yourself’ begin, mine also starts at when I was lost and in a state of extreme despair. I grew up in a practicing Muslim family. My parents moved to the U.S. from Pakistan, where the official religion of the country is Islam. The vast majority of the people my parents grew up with were all Muslim. They never questioned Islam as a way of life because it’s all they ever knew. It was ingrained into every fiber of their being.

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