There are few things in life as painful as losing a friend, especially a someone who has been in your life for a long time. I’ve been thinking a lot about why this is one of the most painful experiences in life and I’m sure there are several fairly obvious answers to that question. Because we’re human and we crave being close to one another. Because it’s exhausting having to repeatedly tell a new person the background on every little thing that’s happened in your life. Because you imagine the people you care about the most in the world to also care about you just as much. Because being broken hearted is not a comfortable situation.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how important it is to actually know yourself. I think there’s this misconception in our society that your best friend ‘knowing you better than you know yourself’ is somehow a good thing. But it really and truly isn’t. It isn’t because at the end of the day, you are what you have. And people will come and go from your life for the rest of your life. You are your only constant.

That sounds sad, doesn’t it? It sounds like something out of a novel in a story about teenage angst and breaking up with your first love. But it’s not. It’s just about real life and how people come and go and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People come into our lives and we give them what they need from us and get what we need from them. Whether that’s sharing laughs, having a shoulder to cry on, binge watching episodes of Friends and Gilmore Girls, have endless conversations about our families and all the things that annoy us, the foods that we can’t stand and the new fashion trends that confuse us.

There are many many terrible things about losing a friend. It is something I would not wish on my worst enemy, not that I ever anticipate ever having any enemies. It’s almost worst than someone you love dying because they’re alive for everyone else, everyone else but you. And the world somehow doesn’t stop turning. But whatever good and bad that has come from your friendship will always stay with you. It’s part of what makes you, you. And that is a beautiful thing.

Currently listening: Promise by Ben Howard