anatomy lab reflections part one: “Mr. Williams”

This is the first in a two-part series of reflections on my time in the anatomy lab during my first year in medical school. It was written after my first day in anatomy lab and reading it even after all this time, and having finished my first year, I can still feel everything I felt on that first day. I’ve had quite a love-hate relationship with the anatomy course this past year but reflecting back now, I know that it has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I can say with full confidence that it will allow me to become a better healer in the future.

To those who donated their bodies so we could learn to become better healers: thank you for this selfless and final sacrifice. You have all been the best teachers about both life and death. And for that, I will always be grateful and indebted to you. Thank you.

Now I am a student of medicine, a field with its own great paradoxes. The first of these I encountered in the anatomy class and is still one of the most powerful: that you begin to learn to heal the living by dismantling the dead.” – Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab by Dr. Christine Montross

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finals attire

Firstly, I just wanted to share with you all that I passed my exam!! I’m officially a second year medical student!! Thank you so so much to all of you who reached out with love and support. It truly means so much and I’m so grateful. And so excited to finally enjoy summer!

Before moving on, I just wanted to quickly share what I usually wear to non-clinical finals/exams. The name of the game is definitely comfort in these instances because you don’t want anything to cause you to lose focus. I purchased this t-shirt from an online Islamic clothing store called 5ivepillars a few months ago and have worn it to every final ever since. Actually now that I think of it the only time I forgot to wear it was the musculoskeletal exam and I failed that one, so…

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finals woes


Why does ugly crying have to be a part of every finals week ritual? I mean, I know it’s good for you and helps relieve stress because you’re not just holding everything in. But just once it would be nice to feel like “Yeah! I got this!” It’s the same story with every set of finals: a cycle of doubt, hope and more doubt. Doubt about whether I can do this or if I even deserve to be here. Hope that things will be okay because I’m doing all this with good intentions: to help God’s people heal.

“Inspire me with love for all Thy creatures. May I see in those who suffer only the fellow human being.” – Oath of Maimonides

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failure

I wrote the following piece after finding out I did not pass my finals for Block 4 (musculoskeletal). Since then, I’ve completed my first year curriculum and Alhumdulilah, passed Block 5 (neurology). I’m currently studying to take my remediation exam for Block 4 in July. If all goes well, I’ll take this exam (and insha’Allah pass) and move on to second year with my class. If anyone from my class is reading this: no matter what happens this summer, know that I’m ever grateful for having been a part of your cohort. Thank you for the outpouring of love and support I received when I reached out to you all for help. So so much love for Class of 2018.

Any prayers and good vibes are greatly appreciated!

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what med students feel

A few years ago my husband, then fiancé, gave me the book What Doctors Feel: How Emotions Affect the Practice of Medicine by Danielle Ofri, MD. I had been on this journey to becoming a physician for some time and had received wonderful advice and education from my undergraduate professors and mentors about a career in medicine. However, being the emotional person I am, I was unsettled by the lack of advice regarding dealing with the emotional difficulties of the field. My husband had previously read this book and thought it would help me navigate the next step of my path to becoming a physician and he was definitely right.

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