I wish I remember how I stumbled upon this incredible text, but I honestly don’t. Nonetheless, I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that in many ways Dr. Christine Montross’ Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab got me through the first year of medical school.
I’ve been very open about how anatomy lab was and still is one of the most transformative and difficult experiences of my life, both as a subject of study and emotionally. When I first began studying anatomy, I did recognize the great privilege it was to study the human body from this perspective. I was almost unspeakably grateful to those who donated their bodies so that my colleagues and I could become better healers. But when we first started dissections in October of last year, I did not understand how integral this experience was for me as a physician in training. I did not understand why I was learning about how to ‘save lives’ by studying the dead. I felt traumatized. Every time I stepped into anatomy lab, I simultaneously felt grateful, sad and anxious. Everything felt so unnatural. I knew rationally that the cadavers felt no pain during our dissections but that did not prevent me from wincing at the sound of each rib cracking or a saw cutting through bone.
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This piece is the second in my series about my experience in anatomy lab during my first year of medical school. The first piece in this series can be found here.
I wrote both these pieces as a means to reflect on and normalize what I was feeling on the first day of anatomy lab and during a dissection I found to be particularly difficult, emotionally. Now that I’m finished with my first year of medical school, I look back and I’m even more grateful to have had this experience. Death, ironically, will always be a part of life but being in this field we have to work even harder to healthily cope with this reality. While the point of anatomy lab was to teach us about the human body in a tangible way, all the cadavers were the ultimate teachers about both life and death. From them, I learned what a heart, my heart one day and likely the hearts of future patients, looks like when it’s no longer beating. From them, I felt the weight of a cirrhotic liver. From them, I saw what a ‘smoker’s lung’ actually looks like. But from them, I also learned the muscles I use to type this sentence. They are the reason I can feign x-ray vision and imagine my muscles, tendons and bones working together as I hit each key. They are the reason I marvel at all my nieces and nephews as they grow and learn to walk and speak and think. They are the template for every patient I will see in my career as a physician.
It’s been just over a month since we finished anatomy lab and said goodbye to our cadavers. Thank you, great teachers, for your final sacrifice. I hope that you have finally found rest and ‘burst into light.’
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Congratulations to all you incoming first years!! It really is such a great accomplishment that you’ve made it this far. Welcome to the beginning of your professional career! It’s going to be quite a ride and you’ll probably go through an entire spectrum of emotions on a daily basis but it really is all worth it if you’re here for the right reasons. Below I’ve included some advice on how to prepare for the first year of medical school.
Some resources I found to be really helpful were:
- First Aid – It helped me put everything into the context of the “big picture.”
- Essential Anatomy – The app is really helpful for visualizing the muscles and studying origins/insertions/function/innervation/irrigation, especially when you’re not physically in the anatomy lab.
- Notability or OneNote – Most of my classmates used either Notability or OneNote for taking notes but I’m not that tech savvy and I learn most when I write things out. And since most of our lecturers used PowerPoints or PDFs of the lectures, I took notes directly on those in class and made one page handwritten outlines for each lecture at home afterwards.
The best way to figure out study methods/materials is to talk to second years in your program. Study methods vary greatly depending on if you’re on a block schedule or if you’re taught by subject. Remember that what works for someone else may not work for you and that’s completely okay. And also remember that there will be times (sometimes every day) when you feel like everyone knows everything and you’re the dumbest person in the class. Let me tell you a secret: everyone in your class feels that way, even the gunners. Don’t let it freak you out. Just do you and help out your classmates when you can. Ask for help when you need it. There’s no shame in needing others. Most medical schools are very different from the “every person for themselves” mentality that most of us are used to from undergrad. Sure you’ll have a couple of those annoying people but for the most part you work as a team so learn to lean on your cohort when you need it.
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This is the first in a two-part series of reflections on my time in the anatomy lab during my first year in medical school. It was written after my first day in anatomy lab and reading it even after all this time, and having finished my first year, I can still feel everything I felt on that first day. I’ve had quite a love-hate relationship with the anatomy course this past year but reflecting back now, I know that it has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I can say with full confidence that it will allow me to become a better healer in the future.
To those who donated their bodies so we could learn to become better healers: thank you for this selfless and final sacrifice. You have all been the best teachers about both life and death. And for that, I will always be grateful and indebted to you. Thank you.
“Now I am a student of medicine, a field with its own great paradoxes. The first of these I encountered in the anatomy class and is still one of the most powerful: that you begin to learn to heal the living by dismantling the dead.” – Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab by Dr. Christine Montross
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Firstly, I just wanted to share with you all that I passed my exam!! I’m officially a second year medical student!! Thank you so so much to all of you who reached out with love and support. It truly means so much and I’m so grateful. And so excited to finally enjoy summer!
Before moving on, I just wanted to quickly share what I usually wear to non-clinical finals/exams. The name of the game is definitely comfort in these instances because you don’t want anything to cause you to lose focus. I purchased this t-shirt from an online Islamic clothing store called 5ivepillars a few months ago and have worn it to every final ever since. Actually now that I think of it the only time I forgot to wear it was the musculoskeletal exam and I failed that one, so…
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I wrote the following piece after finding out I did not pass my finals for Block 4 (musculoskeletal). Since then, I’ve completed my first year curriculum and Alhumdulilah, passed Block 5 (neurology). I’m currently studying to take my remediation exam for Block 4 in July. If all goes well, I’ll take this exam (and insha’Allah pass) and move on to second year with my class. If anyone from my class is reading this: no matter what happens this summer, know that I’m ever grateful for having been a part of your cohort. Thank you for the outpouring of love and support I received when I reached out to you all for help. So so much love for Class of 2018.
Any prayers and good vibes are greatly appreciated!
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