Author: Anum

portland, pt. 2

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Hubs and I went to Seattle and Portland a couple years ago and absolutely loved it! So when I was thinking of a place for a short self care trip before diving back into step one studying, Portland was high on that list. After doing a little research online, I found great deals for flights and a wonderful Airbnb (read my tips on finding great deals on airbnb here) so it was a done deal!

Day One: I stayed in the Alberta Arts District, which was so nice. It’s a fun little neighborhood with great restaurants, coffee houses, small shops – pretty much everything you need for a slow vacation. I got there early morning, checked into my house, rested a bit and then spent the late morning and afternoon exploring Alberta St. I went to several shops, had brunch at Tin Shed and iced tea at Case Study Coffee. I later met up with my high school bestie for dinner at Pok Pok Noi and then, of course, got ice cream at Salt & Straw. It was the perfect first day in Portland – delicious food, lots of walking, great conversation and time to slow down to read and journal.

Day Two: Last time we went to Portland was in winter so we didn’t have the chance to explore any of the outdoorsy sites but I definitely wanted to do that this time. I usually don’t like doing tours because it feels really artificial and then you’re forced to be on someone else’s schedule but since I was traveling alone this time, I didn’t really trust my navigation skills enough to venture out on my own. While researching the best ways to explore along the Columbia River, I came across Pedal Bike Tours. I saw that they had a bike tour that took you through the Gorge from waterfall to waterfall – it sounded perfect so I immediately called to book a tour. The meeting point was downtown, right around the corner from Stumptown so I stopped by there to have breakfast. We drove out to the Gorge, which took about 45 minutes in the van. We started at a couple historical site and then rode our bikes from waterfall to waterfall. It was such a beautiful experience, despite the fact that I had not been on a bike in almost a decade. My tour guide and group were super helpful and make sure that I was comfortable and didn’t complain too much about how much I was slowing them down heh. We saw six different falls and rode the bikes for about as long as traffic allowed. Our tour guide was a Portland native so we got to hear a lot about the history and ask her questions about the recent changes, etc. This whole experience was the highlight of my trip, as I’m sure you can tell by the series of photos at the bottom of this post.

We drove back to downtown and I was super hungry so I walked around downtown and bought the biggest (and most delicious) fajita burrito from a Mexican food truck. Our tour guide had mentioned that Salt & Straw had just started serving soft serve at Wiz Bang Bar inside Pine St. Market so I walked back to that area and met up with a fellow med student. I think I honestly enjoyed the soft serve more than the ice cream, mostly because of the chocolate shell over it. I’ve had cravings for that cone literally every day that I’ve been home since heh.

Day Three: I slept in a little because ya girl was out of shape and biking seven miles & hitting 10k steps really did its number on me. I spent the late morning at Blue Star Donuts, reading and sipping Stumptown Cold Brew. The donut wasn’t as great as I was expecting after hearing all the raving reviews but the staff at the Hawthorne location were so fun. After eating, I walked along Hawthorne St. and did a little shopping. I absolutely love how Portland celebrates and promotes small businesses. They also had wonderful secondhand stores in this area. I was planning on going to First Thursday in the Pearl District but honestly just got tired and lazy. I went back to the house and just hung out with my housemates for a while before walking to the food trucks around the corner from the house and got to sit outside and enjoy the fresh air. I spent some time reading Murakami in the living room and had some great conversations with my housemates.

Day Four: I was leaving Portland in the afternoon so I took the morning to try Barista Coffee and Waffle Window. It was really nice to get in a walk before spending the rest of the day sitting on airplanes and in airports.

Overall, it was such a great trip – exactly what I needed to slow down and recharge. And, as usual, I’ve included some of my favorite shots from my DSLR below.

med sisters series: Cassie Majestic, MD

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The Med Sisters Series is a series of interviews of women in various stages of their careers in medicine: pre-med, medical school, residency, fellowship and attending physicians. As women, I believe we face unique challenges within any field, medicine included. As I’ve moved along on this journey, I truly believe one of the biggest support systems we have is each other. Society works so hard to pit women against each other in every situation you can think of but, as feminists, I think it’s so important to combat that urge to try to ‘beat each other out.’ There’s room for all of us on the other side of the glass ceiling. The goal of this series is to shed light on the challenges women face in the field of medicine and how they achieve a work-life balance that works for them. This blog has always been a place for me to share the realities of this journey, both the highs and lows. I thought of this series as a way to share the perspectives of the other extraordinary women on this journey too.

Dr. Majestic is an attending emergency medicine physician practicing in a community hospital in Orange County. She recently finished her residency and you can follow along on her journey at her Instagram.

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Q: Why did you decide to pursue medicine as a career? How do you stay motivated on the difficult days?

A: Medicine somehow spoke to me when I was very young. I remember knowing I wanted to be a doctor in 4th grade. I had no friends or family members in medicine. I simply knew that I wanted to do something great with my life that involved the human body and educating others. I was serious about school since I was little, and I thought it would be fun to treat diseases.

Staying motivated on the difficult days is truly a challenge, especially because there are so many difficult days in medicine. I actually let myself take a break on those days. Talking to my mom has always been helpful when I am doubting myself, and a nice long workout with my favorite jams (Journey- Don’t Stop Believin’) has always kept me inspired to finish what I started and reach my goals as planned.

Q: What has been the most emotionally difficult aspect of your career thus far? How did you cope?


A: The Emergency Department unfortunately doesn’t provide time for me to experience much emotion. It’s so fast paced, and I rush from one patient to the next delivering good and bad news without much time for preparation or mental emotion. The toughest situation for me however, is delivering news of death to family members and loved ones. This is the one time that I have to slow myself down, and really prepare myself mentally. In addition to this, I think the most emotionally difficult part of medicine and Emergency Medicine in particular, is dealing with making mistakes and missed diagnoses, especially when this results in a bad outcome. I think the only way to cope with these situations, are to understand that we are human, we make mistakes. I also believe that maintaining open discussion with patients and their families is helpful, and allows them to see that doctors are only human. I feel better being brutally honest with each patient and their family, and addressing my mistakes if there are any that occurred.

Q: If you could go back and do undergrad and med school again, what would you do differently? 

 
A: I would honestly cut myself a little more slack. I missed a lot of family and friend functions, because I thought that if I didn’t study a certain number of hours each day, I was doing something wrong. There were many days that I beat myself up internally, for not studying 12 hours per day. It took me a long time to realize that quantity does not equal quality. I would tell my younger self that it is possible to study well without spending every hour worrying about the amount of time I was putting in.

Q: What are some of your favorite medical apps to use while at work?

A: I love Epocrates for up to date drug information. The upgraded version also has an awesome section where you can plug in a condition and it will give you treatment and further recommendations, in case help is needed with a certain clinical scenario. PediSTAT is my favorite pediatric app and I feel much safer on each shift having it in my back pocket (literally). Uptodate is great as well, and is one of my most reliable and “up to date” resources for current guidelines on any medical condition.

Q: How did you decide on Emergency Medicine as your field? What advice do you have for people who are also interested in EM?

 
A: My interest in Emergency Medicine began as an undergraduate student at Arizona State University. Most of the volunteer opportunities were in the Emergency Department, so I received most of my early exposure then. The Emergency Medicine physicians that I have met throughout life were always enthusiastic, fun, and seemed to love their job. They made it tough for me to love another field of medicine.
That being said, I still planned to go into surgery all throughout medical school, up until it was time for me to apply for residency. I made a last minute career switch to Emergency Medicine when I realized I wasn’t excited about my lifestyle as a surgeon. Once I allowed that change to happen mentally, I was SO excited and happy for my future.

For those of you interested in Emergency Medicine, I encourage you to start early. There are lots of opportunities for shadowing/volunteering in the Emergency Department. This is really important to see if you can function well in a stressful, busy, and crazy environment. Be aggressive and up front about what your interests are, when gaining experience. Persistence and follow through is key in Emergency Medicine. It is becoming a competitive field; boards scores and medical school grades are very important.

Q: You have such a passion for educating the public about health care issues! Why do you feel that this is important?

 

A: I am concerned with the way healthcare in the United States is going. Now that the Affordable Care Act is in place, all physicians are seeing extremely high volumes of patients, especially in the Emergency Department and Primary Care offices. There aren’t enough hospital or Emergency Department beds to accommodate the patient volume. Part of this problem stems from the lack of preventative medicine in the United States. I feel American medicine needs to provide more education starting from a young age, to help with prevention of diseases. Social media is a huge part of peoples’ lives. Part of the reason I started my educational Instagram account, was to attempt to reach people that otherwise wouldn’t be reached, with medical, health, and wellness education. I see many financially poor patients, and most of them have a cell phone with Internet connection and access to social media. My hopes include using social media in a positive way (since it is very easy to use in a negative way) and provide education to everyone. Maybe in the future others will start doing the same, and there will be more health and wellness programs and education in schools that will improve our lack of preventative medicine awareness.

Q: Who is a woman in medicine you look up to and why? 

 

A: My program director at University of California Irvine, is a true inspiration. She is young (under 40), married, has two children, and is in charge of a residency program at a large academic institution. She happens to also be beautiful, fit, and so smart. I know that she is confident in everything she does, despite the criticism and challenged she faces as a mom and a physician everyday.

Q: As a woman in medicine, have you faced any discrimination (either blatant or more subtle)? What advice do you have for women who go through similar challenges? 

 
A: I haven’t faced any significant discrimination, thankfully. I grew up around men primarily, as my father is military, and I enjoy working with men in the Emergency Department.

I will say that it can be intimidating at times. In the past, I believe I made some of those intimidating feelings worse by allowing myself to feel less smart and confident. Women in medicine are not unusual these days, but it can still be common for women to have emotional feelings about themselves being less adequate at a job than a man. This is very well known. So my advice to all women out there who feel they are experiencing discrimination, is to remember how far you’ve come. Your mind is powerful and confidence is a necessity in medicine! Maintain the confidence and discrimination will not set you back. Speak with confidence, make decisions with confidence, and everyone (even the men you work with) will see that and respect you!

Q: What has been your favorite part of your journey so far? Where do you see yourself after residency? 

 
A: My favorite part of my journey has been the people I have met along the way, both colleagues and patients. I have the privilege of knowing peoples’ secrets, fears, and gaining their trust to care for them. I get to work with my best friends, who I identify with, and love. During residency, I feel like I have finally found “my people”. Even across various hospitals, most Emergency Medicine physicians share a similar personality type and I have so much fun at work.
After residency (3.5 short months away!), I plan to stay in Orange County and work in a community hospital as an Emergency Medicine physician. I am delighted to say that I will also still be working at my current academic hospital sporadically. It is the best of both worlds! I’m excited to work in a smaller hospital but also maintain affiliation with the residents and medical students in the academic world as well.
Update: Dr. Majestic has completed her residency and is currently practicing at a community hospital in Orange County!

Thank you so much for stopping by our corner of the internet Cassie! We wish you the best on your journey.

Past Interviews:

cancún

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Finally got around to going through the photos on my DSLR from Cancun and wanted to share some of my favorites. Any votes on which one(s) I should print for our gallery wall, which I have yet to put up?

My main goal for our trip to Cancun was simply to relax. It had been a really tough couple months before that, full of studying and stress so it was great to just get away for a while and learn more about the culture of a country so close to ours.

We stayed at the Intercontinental Presidente Cancun Resort and we absolutely loved it! While a lot of the resorts were full of mostly tourists from abroad, the guests at ours were mostly from other parts of Mexico. It was wonderful to walk the halls and hear Spanish everywhere we went, even within the hotel. The view from our room was absolutely breathtaking.

The Mexican food in Cancun was actually really disappointing. Growing up in Southern California, Mexican food has always been one of my favorites. And there are so many places you can get authentic and delicious food here so I know what it’s supposed to taste like. But most of the food in Cancun was targeted towards tourists so that was definitely saddening.

My favorite part of the trip was visiting Chichen Itza and learning about the history of Mayan peoples. It was a really hot day so it took some effort to really enjoy learning but I’m so glad we went. We set the tour up with a company that was housed in the lobby of our hotel. The architecture of the pyramid was absolutely amazing. It still boggles my mind how they knew so much about astronomy, medicine, etc. with such limited technology. Part of the tour was also visiting and swimming in a sinkhole, under a mini waterfall. We also visited a Mayan village where we had lunch and shopped various small businesses featuring art my local artists. Being surrounded by that culture and truly learning about it was so wonderful.

We also went to Playa del Carmen one of the days, which was nice because of all the shops on 5th avenue. We personally thought that the beach in Cacun was nicer but some people think otherwise so if you’re going, check out both and form your own opinion. We met some really cool people who were in our van for the trip. We were all able to communicate in our broken english and spanish. Our tour guide grew up in Texas and was fluent in English so I was able to ask him a lot of questions about Mexico (about their healthcare system, the economy, etc.).

Overall, other than the heat & humidity, it was wonderful vacation. My favorite thing was definitely learning about the Mexican culture and getting to practice my Spanish. The next time I go to Mexico, I’d like to go to a less touristy area so that I can learn more about the culture and history.

 

on ‘failure’ and detours

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Since I was a kid, I always did my best to do the ‘right thing,’ especially when it came to my education. I was never that straight A student but I always worked hard. I felt like I had to work harder than everyone else to be average and it was difficult to feel the imposter syndrome from such a young age but I found ways to push through it, with the support of my incredible parents and some of the most amazing teachers in the world.

In high school, I signed up for classes strategically to ensure a good GPA when I applied to colleges, trying to find the perfect balance between between taking enough IB/AP classes and having the time to do my best in them, while juggling ECs. I chose to go to UC Irvine over more prestigious schools because I was thinking ahead to applying to medical school. I didn’t want to get lost in a sea of overly competitive premed students and not reach my goals. I took my classes on a schedule that allowed me to do my best, not the ‘traditional’ one that most students took because I knew I couldn’t handle that. I took an even lighter load the quarter I was studying for the MCAT. My schedule was ‘nontraditional’ but also ‘traditional’ in that I went straight from undergrad to medical school. I got married that summer in between and, two years ago, started this new life adjusting to being a wife & partner and working towards my professional goals. I paid attention to where I needed extra help and did my best to arrange my schedule so that I could be successful.

But then came medical school, and we were back to our schedules being decided for us like in elementary school and I couldn’t adjust it to make it more manageable. Instead, I had to adjust my study style and do the best I could to set myself up for success. And for the most part I did. Out of the ten blocks that make up our preclinical education, I passed eight of them on my first try and two of them on my second (and knocked them out of the park the second time, if I may add). And I am so very proud of myself for making it through two academically, mentally and emotionally difficult years. Many times I thought about quitting, more often that I’d like to admit. I thought about taking time off to center myself and make a schedule that allowed me to succeed to the best of my abilities. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to ‘fall behind’ or be forced to take a path different than my peers. I often wondered why I couldn’t handle a schedule and plan that the majority of medical students go through. Why wasn’t I strong enough? Why wasn’t I smart enough? Why is it so much harder for me?

And then I failed step one. Part of me saw it coming and another part of me was just wishing for a miracle – ‘please God, just let something work the first time.’ I know I’ve done everything I was technically supposed to do, or at least what works for most people. But it didn’t for me, as it hasn’t for most of my life. And that’s so much more than okay. Because this is my journey and each detour I take helps me become the person I’m meant to be. And I truly believe that, at the end of all this, I’ll be a better physician for it.

I’ve taken a leave of absence from medical school until January. During that time, I will be doing some traveling, reconnecting with the people I love, with God and with myself, taking a class to help me prepare for step one and knocking this test out of the park – on my second try, because sometimes that’s what it takes. 

Thank you for your company on this journey. Thank you to my village that keeps me going – I’d be lost without you. And thank You for all the blessings, especially the ones I’m so privileged to not even be aware of.

lessons from pre-clinical years

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I recently wrapped up my first two years of medical school, essentially my entire pre-clinical education. I still have to get through step one before I officially move on to rotations so I’m not letting myself completely celebrate yet but I do want to share some of the lessons I’ve learned thus far on this journey. Most medical schools in the U.S. have two years in mostly in the classroom, learning the ins and outs of the human body and all the ways it can quit on us. The third and fourth year are done in a clinical setting: hospitals, doctor’s offices, etc. As with most people who want to go into medicine, I’m here for the interaction with patients and helping them to better their lives – not to sit in classrooms and at our desks for hours on end trying to cram as much information in our brains as possible. But as with anything worth having, we’ve all gotta struggle a little. So below are some of the lessons I’ve learned in the many, many hours spent studying and trying to get through the madness.

  • Remember why you’re here. So much of why I blog is to stay grounded and remind me of how far I’ve come and how much further I still have to go. I often read my personal statement to remind myself of my journey thus far. I have the oath we took the day of our white coat ceremony taped on our bathroom mirror to remind me what a privilege this is and what a huge responsibility I have to learn as much as possible.
  • Have perspective. Remember that you’re spending endless hours of studying because you will one day be the responsible for caring for people during some of the most difficult moments in their lives. This is a huge responsibility. You, of course, need to do everything necessary to take care of yourself but remember that people are depending on us to know what we need to know to care for them.
  • Maintain balance in your life. Your entire life cannot be about medical school, especially in the first two years when you actually have a lot of free time if you plan your days well. It’s important to do things to retain your sanity and take care of your own health. Eat well, exercise, read, watch movies, etc. Do everything you want and need to make sure you’re centered and ready to learn. When you invest time in taking care of yourself, your studying will become much more efficient and you won’t have to spend the entire day going over the same lecture.
  • It’s okay that every day doesn’t feel good. There will be (seemingly too many) days when you’ll question why you’re paying thousands of dollars to spend your days studying. But there will also be days when you’ll realize how amazing the human body is. Days when you see patients and they’re so grateful that you’re spending a little extra time trying to figure out what’s going on with them. Days when you learn something in lecture and then go to clinic later that day and see someone surviving, with great quality of life, the same illness because of the work done by those who came before you. You’re entering a noble profession but path to getting there won’t always feel noble.
  • Reflect on your intentions and your happiness often. While it’s normal to have days or maybe even weeks of feeling like you’re in over your head, make sure you check in with yourself every month or so and reflect on how you’re doing. If you’re feeling depressed or anxious or just plain unhappy with where you are, please talk to someone. There is absolutely no reason for you to continue feeling this way. Medical students are at much higher risk for depression and suicidal ideation than the general population.
  • Find mentors you trust. This is something that I’m still working on but you have to realize that in every professional setting, you will not click with everyone and that’s okay. Finding a mentor to talk to about a certain issue is kind of like knowing which friend to go to depending on what you need out of the conversation. If you want someone to tell it like it is, go to the person you know will be honest with you no matter what happens. If you’re looking for someone to remind you why you’re working so hard and that you can do this, go to the person who will be be supportive and compassionate. And if you’re really lucky, you’ll find a mentor (or a few) who can do both and know when you need which. Mentoring relationships should never start with the question ‘will you be my mentor?’ I’ve never asked that question of a single person I consider a mentor. Instead, ask a question regarding their life or work or something you need advice on and based on the way they respond, you’ll know if this person is a potential mentor. This type of relationship should unfold naturally.
  • Find your village, hold them close and thank them often. I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it: it takes a village to raise a doctor. It takes a village of people who love you, support you, remind you of why you’re doing all this – that the sacrifices are worth it, and understand why you can’t always be around. I truly believe that God puts something special in the people who support doctors in training. This, unfortunately, also means that you’ll likely lose some people in your life because they may need more attention than you can provide at this moment in your life and that’s fine. It’s difficult but it’s honestly a part of growing up. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. But those who do choose to go on this wild journey with you, hold them close and make sure they know how much you love and appreciate them.

Medical school is no joke. So many people told me beforehand that the hardest part is getting in. And it’s completely true that I worked very hard to get to where I am today, but it’s also true that the ‘hardest part’ varies from person to person. Some people thrive in the first two years because they have studying and exam taking down. I’m not that person so the past two years have felt nearly impossible and I’ve thought about quitting more often than I’d like to admit. But I truly believe that all of this is worth it, that my aspirations will be confirmed next month when I’m back in clinical settings and spending the majority of my day with patients. And it’s entirely possible that I may be wrong but I’ve already put in several years towards this goal so what’s another couple months?

I’m taking step one early next week so positive vibes and prayers are greatly appreciated!

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r & r in redlands 

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The past few months, pretty much since 2016 started, have been nonstop studying – exam after exam. And it also felt like the stakes were getting higher and higher as time went on. Now, I’m in independent study time for USMLE step one and the pressure is on. This exam is known to be the most difficult of many licensing exams and also plays a huge factor in what and where you’ll practice medicine.

I’ve always prided myself in understanding that test scores do not define me or my ability to be a good physician. When struggling with the MCAT, I knew that somehow things would still work out because this was my calling. But the step one boogie monster got to me and I started doing all the wrong things: not taking breaks, staying up too late to finish my study ‘to-do’ list, focusing on quantity instead of quality, comparing myself to others and making this test my life.

Earlier this week, I performed pretty terribly on a practice exam and after crying & wallowing and talking to one of my best friends, I realized that I was essentially setting myself up for failure. So I decided to take a couple days off and remind myself of the life I live outside of this exam. I went to a neighboring city and just explored. I dusted off my DSLR and just roamed around eating great food, shopping at local stores, hung out at a local coffee house and drank delicious coffee while reading and journaling.

Going to be back at it tomorrow, while fasting for Ramadan (which I’m nervous about but also excited that I’ll be taking this exam in such a blessed time). I’ll have even less ‘chill’ time between starting third year and taking this exam but pushing it back was just so necessary for my own well being. I’m committing myself to doing my best on this; I won’t sell myself short but I’m also not going to look at what others are doing (especially if they’re vacationing while I sit here stressin’ out).

This is my journey. It’s had a lot of twists and turns and loop-de-loops but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m going to be caring for actual people one day very soon and I can’t wait. But this is just something I have to get through until then. Thank you all for accompanying me on this journey – you all push me to constantly renew my intentions and better myself.


on mental illness in med school

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As mental health awareness comes to an end, I wanted to address something very close to my heart: mental illness and reducing the stigma that often comes with it, especially in health care. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for, well I don’t really know how long but I was officially diagnosed with both during my first year of medical school. It was a really difficult time for many reasons and I just couldn’t deal with it on my own anymore and decided to get help. I was really hesitant to do so at first because I was worried about being perceived as weak, that I couldn’t handle medical school and the challenges that come with it. It’s so, incredibly, heartbreaking how many health care professionals we lose, both practicing and in training, to suicide each year. We’ve made progress on dealing with the lack of support for our community when it comes to mental health but we still have so much work to do. So much of why I want to go into academia is to change the way we educate and train our physicians, to do it in a way that doesn’t require us to rob them of their humanity, compassion and ability to empathize with others.

Before I get into how I’ve dealt with both of these diagnoses while in medical school, I want to address how absolutely ridiculous it is that this stigma exists at all but especially in the field of medicine where we know and understand the pathology behind mental illness. We know that there are actual problems in the balance of our hormones. We know that it’s not just laziness or something you just ‘push through’ or ‘get over.’ So the first step in dealing with depression and anxiety in medical school is accepting that there is no shame in having a mental illness.

Think about it this way: anxiety and depression are essentially like having allergies, your body is overreacting to something it perceives to be threatening when it’s not really that bad. With allergies, some people’s bodies think peanuts are the equivalent of poison when there is nothing inherently dangerous about peanuts – as long as you’re not allergic. I’m eating a peanut butter granola bar from Trader Joe’s as I type this and I’m not going into anaphylactic shock – because my body doesn’t perceive peanuts as a threat but for others, it most definitely is. It’s the same with depression and anxiety – episodes can be triggered by things that may not seem that bad to people who don’t have mental illness. Some people’s bodies do not turn on them when they have to take an exam, or have to speak publicly or for no apparent reason. But I obviously would never judge my friend with nut allergies for needing an epi pen or avoiding triggers, right? So why do we do that to ourselves and each other when it comes to mental illness? Let’s just make a commitment to not think of it any differently – when it comes to us or to our friends or our patients.

So now for tangible advice and steps you can take if you are dealing with depression or anxiety – and please keep in mind this advice is from the perspective of someone who has dealt with these issues, not as professional medical advice.

  • Find a therapist you trust and feel comfortable with. This can definitely be tough because it takes a certain level of comfort and trust to be able to discuss what you need to discuss with a therapist. I would recommend starting with counselors at your school if that’s an option since they usually understand at least some of the struggles students face. And I know that it can be exhausting to jump from therapist to therapist and repeatedly telling your story to a stranger but it’s worth it when you find someone you can really talk to. Yelp is a surprisingly great place to read reviews for various therapists. And it’s a good idea to go into each session with an idea of the topics you want to discuss and issues you want to work on. This link has really helpful advice on how to approach your first session with a therapist.
  • Don’t be afraid to try medication. Like we talked about above, there’s no shame in your Zyrtec game and there shouldn’t be with Prozac (or any other medication) either.
  • Prioritize your health and well being. We all know that we should take care of ourselves but how many of us actually prioritize doing so? Because we need to, especially if you’re dealing with mental illness. I find exercising regularly to be really helpful and I’ve recently also started doing yoga (at home with Yoga with Adriene), which has also been great. Prioritize getting enough sleep, especially in the first two years of medical school when you have much more control over your schedule. Pulling all nighters is not a good way to learn and you need sleep to be able to retain everything you spend hours studying. I also find that limiting my caffeine intake really helps keep my anxiety symptoms away so I’ve tried to stop drinking coffee on and off for the past few years. Try limiting it as much as you can! I’m not a fan of cooking so eating healthily can be difficult but I try to buy preprepared frozen meals made by companies like Evol Foods and Sweet Earth Foods because they provide healthier options. And if, even for a second, you start feeling ‘selfish’ for taking care of yourself remember:

    ‘Caring for myself is not self indulgence, it is self preservation and that is an act of political warfare.’ – Audre Lorde

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  • Get a furchild. This obviously isn’t for everyone but have Kohl in my life has made the struggles of 2016 so much easier to deal with it. There’s something about a tiny kitten purring on your lap that makes you feel like it’s all going to be okay. So if it’s something you can do, consider adopting a kitten or puppy. It’s amazing how they just know when you’re not doing well or need extra cuddles. He’s been the source of my sanity through studying for remediation and boards.
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  • Spend time in places that inspire you. This can be as simple as going to your local coffee shop to study or planning a weekend getaway with your significant other/a group of friends. Changing where you are makes coming home feel so sweet and reenergizes you to continue doing what needs to get done. And making time for fun things is so important – you need it to recharge.
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  • Work hard when you feel good. The thing with both depression and anxiety is that they can sneak up on you. You can have an objectively good day and still feel completely miserable. So in a way, it’s important to ‘prepare’ for these episodes by being extra productive when you are feeling well. That way if you have an off day, you won’t fall behind because you prepared for it. I always have a game plan for studying for each block but because I know that some days are going to be better than others, I plan goals for each week (rather than each day). So when I have a day when I’m feeling down, I’m not really falling behind as long as I spend the day caring for myself and getting recharged so I can tackle tasks the next day and still stay on schedule. Having this flexibility has been really great for me and also reduces the guilt of ‘doing nothing’ on the days when I really can’t.
  • Spend time in service of others. There’s something so incredibly fulfilling in giving your time or skills to help others. If you’re in healthcare, a big part of why you’re here is because you have that innate need to be in service of others. So stay in touch with that by volunteering with your local free clinic or mentoring youth from underserved communities. Doing these things also really helps bring your purpose back into perspective. It helps you remember why you’re spending so much of your time studying and making so many sacrifices.
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  • Don’t be afraid to reach out to your classmates or friends. I can’t tell you the number of messages and comments I read every week from others in this field who share that they too are dealing with depression, anxiety or both. Don’t feel obligated to share this part of your journey if you don’t feel comfortable doing so but please know that you’re not alone. And if you do decide to share, realize that your recovery is going to look different from others’ so try your best not to compare. In this age of social media, it’s easy for us to think that everyone’s life is so much easier and better than ours but realize that most people just show the pretty parts. We’re all going through difficult times.
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  • Be kind and patient with yourself. This is something that I still struggle with. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others who seem to be much more productive or being angry with yourself for ‘being lazy.’ But realize that type of thinking is not productive in any way. You’re only prolonging this episode of deeper depression or anxiety by doing so. Your body is clearly telling you it needs a break or a change so spend an hour or so taking care of yourself and come back to your work. Treat yourself with the same compassion you’d show your patient who is struggling with similar issues.
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So much of why I started this blog and started speaking about my journey on Instagram is because I did not want anyone else to feel alone in the struggles that come with this journey. You are not alone. You deserve the best out of life and while we make many sacrifices on this journey, you should not sacrifice your health and well being in order to care for others. It takes some courage to seek help and take the steps towards recovery but it’s well worth the effort. You deserve a life where happiness is the norm, not the exception. You deserve a life that does not feel like a burden. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for your future patients because they deserve a healer who has spent time healing themselves.

edit: here is an additional resource by zencare on mental health while in college.

med sisters series: Brittany, MD

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The Med Sisters Series is a series of interviews of women in various stages of their careers in medicine: pre-med, medical school, residency, fellowship and attending physicians. As women, I believe we face unique challenges within any field, medicine included. As I’ve moved along on this journey, I truly believe one of the biggest support systems we have is each other. Society works so hard to pit women against each other in every situation you can think of but, as feminists, I think it’s so important to combat that urge to try to ‘beat each other out.’ There’s room for all of us on the other side of the glass ceiling. The goal of this series is to shed light on the challenges women face in the field of medicine and how they achieve a work-life balance that works for them. This blog has always been a place for me to share the realities of this journey, both the highs and lows. I thought of this series as a way to share the perspectives of the other extraordinary women on this journey too.

Brittany is a fourth year medical student (and will be an MD in days!) in Kansas City. You can follow her journey, as she starts her intern year in pediatrics, at her Instagram.

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Q: Why did you decide to pursue medicine as a career? How do you stay motivated on the difficult days? 

A: Deciding on medicine was sort of a natural choice for me. I was infatuated by science growing up and was fascinated by my first anatomy and physiology class in high school. There are no physicians in my family, but it was my parents that really gave me the confidence that I could pursue such a career. They both have had careers in healthcare and I loved the thought of being so intimately involved in other’s lives and being able to do what I love and help those who need it. What motivates me on the difficult days is that I absolutely cannot imagine doing anything else for the rest of my life. There are days I walk out of the hospital with such satisfaction, such a sense of calling, that I know this is where I was born to be.

Q: How do you balance being in a relationship, planning a wedding and medical school? 

A: It’s quite the task! I live in Kansas City and my fiancé lives in Ft. Worth, Texas so there’s a lot of plane flights and traveling when we get free time. Fourth year of medical school provides lots of flexibility with your time so I’ve gotten to come down to Texas for a few months which has been such a blessing. I am very lucky to have a man that supports me 100% in whatever I decide to do and is continually my biggest cheerleader. He understands my hectic schedule, can tell when I’m a little stressed, and knows when he needs to remind me to breathe! He’s not something I have to worry about balancing… he adds balance to my life. I think that’s how it should be. With Match Day coming up in March 2016, we currently have no idea where I’ll be located for residency. For that reason, we’ve decided to postpone wedding planning until we at least have a city to plan around! I have started looking at dresses though, which of course is the most fun part! 🙂

Update: Brittany matched to her top choice pediatrics program at Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersberg, FL!

Q: What has been the most emotionally difficult part of your journey in medicine? How have you coped? 

A: The most emotionally difficult part of the journey has been seeing first-hand the heartbreak in medicine. The look on your patient’s face when they find out they have cancer or when the 6 year old finds out his mom has passed away are images that never quite go away. As physicians, we will be constantly immersed in the most difficult parts of people’s lives. They will never forget moments like this. But, the beauty of my journey in medicine has been seeing how people respond and recover from these types of events. Sickness and death have a startling effect on people. They quickly realize what is truly important to them. The love shown by family has often brought tears to my eyes. Our society focuses so much on the negative. I wish the cameras would come into the hospital to see the incredible love, the undying faith, the unwavering will to live that I have the blessing to see each day. The difficult parts of our lives really provide us the opportunity to grasp on hard to what means the most to us. Witnessing this has been incredible and is one of the many reasons why I love medicine.

Q: What drew you to pediatrics? 

A: Come on…kids are so much better than adults 🙂 ! When I got to dress up in costume for Halloween, play with toddlers on a daily basis, and help walk new parents through both the scariest and most exciting part of their life (new parenthood), the decision became pretty easy for me. It was the only rotation I had in medical school that I would work 12 hour days, work nights, but when I went home each day, I was genuinely happy and couldn’t wait to go back! Kids bring me so much joy. They’re resilient, they’re honest, they’re always wanting to get better…. and most of the time, they do! I also had a great pediatric allergist that helped me control my asthma as a kid and that allowed me to go on to eventually becoming an All-American track athlete at Baylor! The world is yours when you’re a kid, the possibilities are endless. I’m thrilled to be apart of their ever-changing lives. The field of pediatrics isn’t for everyone. You’ll get spit up on, sneezed on, temper tantrums, and adolescent mood swings. But, there’s nothing else in this world I’d rather be doing.

Q: If you could go back and be a premed student again, what would you do differently

A: This is a tough one. I don’t think I’d do anything differently honestly. I was a premed student-athlete so my experience was a little different. I was a Health Science Studies major with a minor in Medical Humanities. I took all the core science courses required for the MCAT along with courses that showed me the ethical dilemmas of medicine. I took a mission trip to Mexico where I got to work with a physician to provide care to underserved villages and created hypertension screening clinics in my hometown of Kansas City. My best advice would be to get a well-rounded idea of what medicine is like. Volunteer at your nearby hospital. Get out in your community. If you can, get out of the country and view how healthcare is done there. This will help you form your own ideas and opinions about how you’d like to provide care. Also, have fun!!! Medical school is a full-time job and you’ll find yourself reminiscing on your fun “college days” while you’re stuck on night shift lol.

Q: Who is a woman in medicine you look up to and why? 

A: Although not a physician, I have always looked up to my mother. She is a chief radiation therapist for cancer patients and has a way with her patients that I strive for on a daily basis. She is personable, intelligent, and her spirit is so incredibly contagious. She’s a multi-tasker, a leader, and always finds a way to get the job done with a smile on her face. She has worked so hard to get where she’s at and both her and my dad have provided me with all of the love, support, and motivation a daughter could ask for.

Q: As a woman in medicine, specifically a woman of color, have you faced any discrimination (either blatant or more subtle)? What advice do you have for women who go through similar challenges?

A: Being a minority woman in medicine, you often will be either the only woman in the room or the only minority in the room. Sometimes, both. Towards the beginning of my medical education, this was a little daunting. But, as I progressed though medical school I realized I am more than capable, equally intelligent, and just as deserving to be here! Now, I don’t think twice. I am no longer focused on myself, but on the care of my patient. Many times, minority patients will pull me aside or while I’m alone in the room with them tell me how proud they are or how they want to go to medical school one day. No matter what discrimination we may face, we must realize that the picture is so much bigger than that. We must continue to climb, to motivate, and to care for others the only way we know how. There’s should be no room for negativity in our minds. There will always be those who discriminate whether it be race, gender, body size, social class, anything! Unfortunately, that’s not going away anytime soon. We can either let it bring us down or continue to fight in pursuit of our dreams. I choose the latter.

Thank you so much for stopping by our corner of the internet Brit! We wish you the best on your journey.

Past Interviews:

book review: A Million Little Pieces

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I was browsing one of my favorite used bookstores downtown and had heard a lot of great things about A Million Little Pieces by James Frey over the years so decided to purchase it. As someone who is considering going into psychiatry, I thought it would be a great opportunity to learn more about addiction because addiction and mental illness often go hand in hand. And addiction is a huge problem in the area I’m from, and hope to eventually settle down to practice medicine, so even if I do not go into psychiatry, I will still have patients who suffer from addiction.

Overall, I think the book is definitely a great read. I found myself staying up too late trying to just finish the chapter because I was so engaged. It evoked a lot of emotion – I found myself gasping out loud and physically cringing during some parts.

But other than it being an interesting read, it’s basically complete garbage as a ‘memoir.’ I’m not very far in my medical training but I can say that most of what Frey talks about in this book would never happen in the medical system in this country. I don’t want to spoil too much of the book for those of you who are planning to read it but I just want to say that patients who have a history of addiction still receive humane and safe medical care. I’m sure there are institutions where it may not be up to the same standard as a private community hospital but I highly doubt the savagery described in this book would be allowed. As with geriatric care, patients who are medically unstable with acute injuries would be in the care of health care professionals equipped to care for the illnesses and then transferred to nursing homes or rehab facilities.

Additionally, having worked with patients who suffer from addiction in my clinics, volunteering on the streets with the homeless population and volunteering in the prison system – I imagine that anyone who is suffering from addiction, which is a lifelong illness with no cure, would be incredibly offended after reading Frey’s narcissistic attitude towards battling addiction and the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. He maintains this high and mighty attitude throughout his time in rehab and denies the genetic and disease aspects of addiction, which can be extremely damaging to readers who also suffer from addiction. It can also be damaging for the loved ones who deal with addiction because the text makes it seem as though all you need to get past your addiction is six weeks in rehab and willpower.

There has been great controversy about the authenticity about Frey’s criminal activity in the book as well as the accuracy of the eventual death of some of the people he met in rehab. Everyone is, of course, entitled to their own story and their own way of dealing with their illnesses but putting out a work of fiction, while claiming it a memoir, can be extremely damaging and triggering for those who also suffer from addiction.

So, bottom line: it’s a great read if you treat it as a work of fiction but I find it extremely frustrating and disappointing as  a future health care professional who hopes to help patients work through their illnesses, including addiction.

on staying motivated

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  Trying to stay motivated on this long journey is something that has always been a challenge for me. It’s so difficult to maintain perspective when it feels like you’re putting in so much effort with so little tangible reward. That’s when looking internally and surrounding yourself with people who remind you of your purpose becomes so important.

At the end of my first year of medical school I stumbled upon Laura’s instagram and immediately developed the biggest girl crush of all crushes. Here was a woman who was clearly balancing a life of work, family, her own interests in fashion and photography and also supporting the #blacklivesmatter movement. She had an awareness of the struggles of minorities because she herself comes from an underprivileged background and knows how unfair life can be.

What started as a girl crush quickly developed into cyber mentorship (how she has time to mentor strangers on the internet still baffles me – pretty sure she runs on magic dust and coffee). She inspired me to start openly speaking about my struggles through medical school on instagram and this blog. I’ll randomly text her during the week complaining about how overwhelmed I feel with second year and she reminds me to prioritize my happiness, that no one is going to hand it to me and I have to make it for myself.

I often get asked how I ‘balance it all’ and it’s a great question. I typically answer with cliché phrases like ‘time management is key’ and ‘it takes a village.’ And while those phrases may be extremely cliché, they’re true. And now you can really learn how to do it all by the queen herself: Laura’s holding an online class!!!

When I started on this path to becoming a physician I was constantly told the same few things – you’ll never be happy, you won’t have time for a family, you won’t have time for yourself, and on and on. I’m sure you ladies have heard it as well – whether pursuing law or business or any “high powered” position – at the end of the day it’s supposed to boil down to us having to choose between career or family. We can’t have them both.

But I’m here to tell you that you can have both. You can have so much more.

You can have your cake and eat it too.

If any of you know me from my blog or social media, you know that I whole heartedly believe this and live it everyday.

And with this course I’m going to share every single skill you need to not only reach your professional aspirations, but I’ll also teach essential skills for self care, healthy relationships, maintaining friendships, having children, and balancing it all. Balancing it all and being happy.

Don’t listen to the naysayers who tell you it’s impossible.

It can be done, and with this course I’ll show you how.

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This course is for you if:

You wonder if you’re good enough to have all that it is you want (you are).

You are struggling to manage your time now and don’t think you could ever manage having kids or other responsibilities on top of it (you can).

You’ve been told you shouldn’t pursue your dreams (you should).

You forget to take care of yourself and feel burnt out (we all do it).

You have big dreams but have no idea how to make them a reality and feel paralyzed by fear of failure (I’ll show you how).

This course targets women in general who want it all, whether you’re 18 or 38, you’ll learn skills to successfully manage it all, and skills for finding happiness even when you can’t.

………………

This course is designed to be completed in one month, beginning on May 1st and ending the 31st. Each day there will be a new 10 minute lecture on the topics outlined below, as well as assignments with printable worksheets!

Here’s a quick synopsis of each module:

1. Me, myself, and I

This section focuses on what we usually forget to make number one – ourselves! Here I’ll delve into helping you figure out what makes you happy, where your passions lie, what you want out of life, and help you develop better habits for self-care, dealing with stress, rewarding yourself, and more!

2. Working girl

This section is all about work – because let’s face it, we’re all busy, but there’s a difference between being busy and getting work done! Whether you are a college student, employee, or mother getting ready to head back into the working world, this section will help you develop new strategies for learning new things (i.e. study tips), time management, finding motivation when you’re in the trenches, and dealing with failure.

3. Your circle

This section is devoted to finding your circle and keeping it. Women sometimes have a hard time finding and nurturing true friendships, but there are few things more therapeutic than a long talk with a girlfriend. This section will help you figure out who you need in your circle, how to find them, and most importantly how to keep them.

4. Mr. Right

This section is all about finding the right partner (and that can totally be a Mrs. too)! If you choose to share this path with anyone, figuring out yourself and what you want is only half of it – figuring out how to make that work with another person and their goals is the other half. This section will help you with what to look for in a partner, how to build love and continue building it, tips for communication and conflict resolution, and more!

5. Bring the kids along

This section is about – you guessed it – kids. And even if you’re in high school reading this and have no idea if or when you want kids, this section is critical to figuring out what we want and not closing any doors prematurely. In this section we’ll explore why you might want to have kids, when the right time is, working outside of the home with kids, dealing with mom guilt, and those damn mommy wars.

6. Put it all together and what do you get?

Chaos. This section is the key to it all, the sum of all of the pieces, but we couldn’t have gotten here without addressing everything else first. But now comes the question, once I’ve got it all (or while I’m trying to get it all), the career, the friends, the partner, the kids, how the hell do I keep it all up? How do I balance? This section isn’t just about doing it all, more importantly it’s about doing it all and choosing to be happy.

There will also be a bonus module with tons of extras – gorgeous printable motivational quotes, a behind the scenes look at a day in the life (I’ll take you along with me through one of my “short call” days in the hospital, the closest it gets to a 9-5 schedule!), busy girl beauty hacks, and more!

Included in the course will also be access to a private Facebook group for support where you can share your dreams and fears, because nothing helps more than knowing you’re not alone. And trust me when I say you are NOT alone! I’ll regularly be checking the page to add in my two cents!

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Those of you reading this now are getting first dibs of the course which will go live May 1st! If you sign up before then, you’ll get access to all of this for one payment of $149! On May 1st the price will go up to the normal price of a one time payment of $199, with the option of a 2 month payment plan. The course will run through May, and you can purchase and join at any time through the month! And once you’re a student you’ll have access to the lectures and course materials for life! Even new lectures that I’ll release in the next few months! After May the course may be re-released at another time point, but never again at this price!

$149 sounds like a lot of money (at least to me it does)!

But here’s the thing –

If you’re a mom you pay more than this for one week of groceries.

If you’re a college student you pay more than this for one textbook for one class in any given semester. Never mind the cost of tuition itself. Just to open that book a few times and (hopefully) pass a test. A test that will likely matter for your grade, a grade that may matter for your career in the future.

This course is not only going to teach you essential skills for mastering new knowledge (whether at school or work) and acing those tests, it will also teach you how to better manage your time so that you can accomplish more, and most importantly, it’s going to teach you how to enjoy the journey, how to balance all that’s on your plate, how to pursue it all and do so with grace.

So much more than your $250 organic chemistry book.

So take the leap. Be proactive about not only your career aspirations but about your life. About your happiness.

Become the next “I don’t know how she does it” woman. Because I know how, and soon you will too.

I’m not going to try to sell you on this class because as you can see above, she does a great job of convincing you herself. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I want to share that I’m an affiliate for this class and will be compensated in part for every registration done through this link. But I would not be taking time out of studying for remediation and boards to write up this post if I didn’t truly believe in what she has to say. So much of why I started the Med Sisters Series is to remind women that it really is possible to get everything you want out of life and be happy while doing it. 

I hope you decide to join us as we try to navigate through this thing called life.